On White Parents and Lessons in Privilege

Walking home from work on Friday I became aware of a conversation between a White dad and his (I think) six year old daughter. As we turned the corner and passed a Black man on his phone, she asked why he used the n-word in conversation on the phone in a friendly way. He dad replied "The N-word? It's all about intention. Sometimes people use words to hurt someone. When that word is used to hurt someone, it's wrong. But the way he used it, it meant 'hey what's up friend'. It's intent. Words are just a combination of letters put together. It's the intention we have when we use words that make the difference." Thoughts? Clearly the little girl was aware of the loadedness of the word and it caused some confusion in her mind. Did dad explain it well enough? What did he leave out that should have been said? What did he say that could have been said better? What is a 6 year old capable of understanding about race, privilege and the history of this word?

It was refreshing to see a parent actually address the questions as opposed to either blowing it off or redirecting the question. It's a hard one. I wonder if he couldn't have gone a step further to contexualize the word, even if it was to vaguely acknowledge "we can't use the word because...". My concern is that he left this part out and she, understanding only that the word is ok when used in a positive context, goes up to a friend, and uses that word in a well intentioned way. The child she speaks it to will be highly traumatized/embittered/confused. And she will certainly be traumatized by the backlash she receives. What more can be done?

I was thinking about whether her dad would elaborate at all once they got home. I was especially attuned to the conversation walking home from the train in Harlem where gentrification means that more and more young middle class white families are residing side by side with working class and middle class black families and how that affects the exposure on both sides. 

Despite intentions, the person speaking this particular word determines how the word is received precisely because of the origin and history behind it. I think he stopped short of saying "we're not allowed to use that word." And by leaving that out while highlighting that sometimes it's ok to use it but not specifying for whom, he taught his daughter an early lesson in privilege. "I'm not going to tell you that there are certain things that are off limits to you." How poignant to be walking through Harlem teaching your little girl that sometimes using the most charged of racial slurs is ok. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.